Nasty or Nice: How kind are we to ourselves or others?

The Students started off today with a safe place meditation. They were asked to think of a place they could go to in their minds when life got hard and full of worries. This place would be full of positives and feel completely safe for them with no demands.

For some this place was their house, for others this was with friends at school. 

For a large majority the place was outside of Hong Kong, at a holiday destination, or a grandparents house. It was often in their country of origin, and often in a quiet countryside location, a field, a forest or a garden.

The following discussion centered around being kind and unkind to self and others. A mention of siblings allowed the children to easily understand how frustration with one thing led them to take out their frustration on another person, often a younger brother or sister. So a difficult maths task would lead them to shout at their parents and/ or siblings, blaming them for their difficulty. We discussed useful alternative actions when you were angry or frustrated. The students generated the following:

• Punch or shout at a pillow
• Bounce on their bed.
• Do something nice for someone.
• Do something active. (run, trampoline etc.)
• Do something creative.
• write in a  frustration journal, or write a letter that they rip up.

We also discussed how burying your feelings with candy didn't help in the long run as it just suppressed the emotions rather than acknowledging and dealing with them.

What was really positive, was that the students talked at great lengths about all the kind things they had done for themselves and others over the past week. We discussed how people who perform spontaneous acts of kindness are often more happy and successful in life.

So this week the students are going to take special notice of when they are kind or unkind to themselves or others. You can really help them by noticing and commenting when you observe kindness or unkindness, but try to err on the side of positive noticing!

Next week is the final week of the course and we will look at the Secret of Happiness! 

The Worry Factory: Students share what is on their mind...

With two weeks to go on the mindfulness matters course we turned our thoughts towards thoughts and worries.

Thoughts are the storyteller in your mind, sometimes wanted and sometimes not.... 

An interesting discussion followed trying to think about nothing for 15 seconds. A really hard task only achieved by those who held their breath!

I asked the children to share with each other what they worried most often about. They could volunteer these worries in a class discussion if they wanted.

The results were unsurprisingly similar across all four classes, and typical of children their age about to make a big transition:

• I worry about people close to me getting ill.
• I worry what other people think of me.
• I worry about my gran because she is ill in hospital.
• I worry about spiders.
• I worry about snakes.
• I worry when my parents argue...I worry they might split up.
• I worry my dog might die.
• I worry what older children might do to me when i get to KGV.
• I worry I'll get lost and be late for lessons when i get to KGV.
• I worry the work will be really hard.
• I worry about peer pressure.
• I worry about doing well in tests.
• I worry about remembering things in tests.
• I worry about burglars in my house.
• I worry about murderers in my house.
• I worry because my dad is ill.
• I worry when my mum is sick.
• I worry about growing up...

I asked the children what they could do about these worries and we came up with a list of helpful approaches.

1. Acknowledge that you are worried. Sometimes just recognising that you are worried, and that it is an emotional state that will pass can be helpful.
2. Share your worry with someone. We agreed that sharing with a friend or parent can often make the worry smaller or go away
3. Write the worries down. Sometimes a list of the worries can get them out of your head and turn them into concrete problems to deal with
4. Do some belly breathing as a focus on your belly and becoming calm often takes attention away from a worried head 
5. Use come scaling questions. e.g. On a scale of 1-10 how worried do I feel? then On a scale of 1-10 how big a problem is this actually? Sometimes this can really help

As a parent sometimes its good to share your own worries and how you manage them as it will often help a child talk about theirs.

In america a large, national survey of adolescent mental health reported that about 8 percent of teens ages 13-18 have an anxiety disorder, with symptoms commonly emerging around age 6. 

Using the strategies above can be a real boon  in helping students reduce any anxieties and be happy.

Clearwater bay Mindfulness matters Week 4: Seeing what you want

Today we looked at their 'movie mind' and having faith in the future. The were students really engaged, interested and focused, and it was hard to stop the discussions and keep to time! 

Visualisation is a difficult skill to master but they really had a go at it including the wonderful but tricky wishing tree activity where they try and visualise a heartfelt dream/ desire and let it go, and have faith that this positive change will happen at some point in the future.

Their practice with mindfulness is really paying off, and you can feel the increase in focus, and attention. One student has already mentioned using the spaghetti test each night as when she does she gets to sleep really quickly instead of it taking and hour!

We finished the sessions off today with a great mindful movement activity. and if you'd like to try it out with your children, here it is!

Next week: Emotions and the world of thoughts

Raisin' the Bar: Paying more attention to the everyday things that we do!

This week was focused around sensory exploration, paying conscious attention to things that perhaps we take for granted.

For the students the session started off with an activity around checking out the internal 'weather forecast' of their feelings, and a discussion of how quickly the 'weather' can change. Although easy for some who were able to say for example that the weather was 'Foggy' (They felt sleepy) or 'sunny' (they felt happy and energetic), for others this was a tricky task.We had a good discussion about the idea that it was checking how you feel rather than the imagery that was important. For one group the discussion got on to the movie 'Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs 1+2' Some of the students said they could equate emotional states and mood to the food that came from the sky, or to the 'Foodimals' different moods and characters! 

All the students got the idea that their mood affected how they felt during the day, but that this mood was as changeable as the weather i.e. they were unlikely to be angry for a whole day or happy for a whole day, and it was useful to notice how they were feeling at particular points.

All four classes had a great discussion about paying attention to routine things. I asked them all whether their parents  asked them about their day when they got home? There was a unanimous raising of hands! and a pretty consistent set of stock responses that the students gave:

'So what did you do today at school?'

• 'nothing'
• 'stuff'
• 'writing'
• 'maths'
• 'break and lunchtime'
• 'I forgot'

The students really got the idea that it was hard to remember specifics about what they had done each day because it was encased in a routine framework that varied little on a daily basis. We talked about what parents could ask instead and they agreed that 'Tell me one interesting or exciting thing that you did today?' might be a question that got more information out of them!

Its interesting to think form a parental perspective what would you say if every day your children asked you 'So what did you do at work today?' How many days would you respond ' oh emails, meetings and reports' or just...'stuff'!

Illustrating our discussion around not paying attention to routine things we discussed the idea that most car accidents take place on roads familiar to a driver and close to their home. The next activity asked them to try and regard a very familiar object  as if they had never seen it before, and describe it using the senses available to them.

The student's  approached the task of trying to see, hear, smell, touch and taste a raisin as if it was the first time they had ever seen it with a lot of interest and enthusiasm! 


There was a lot of great discussion following around thinking about the food we eat more mindfully, in terms its appearance, taste, texture etc. We also talked a lot about considering the journey the food makes to be in front of us.

The students have been tasked to pick a mealtime this week and to try and eat mindfully during this meal or just for 5 minutes of the meal. I've promised them that if they do they are likely to notice new things about the taste of food they take for granted! You could join in with them if you want and have a discussion about your experiences. 

Another suggestion is to take time on a walk you do regularly to stop for 10-20 seconds to consider what you can see, hear, smell and feel.

Next week, How we deal with situations when we long for them to change: Patience and faith and letting go

For those of you who missed the parent talk last Wednesday I mentioned a number of resources that can be used to explore mindfulness outside of this program if you wanted. For adults and older teens there is the Headspace program http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/index.aspx which gives an introduction to mindfulness through 10 minute meditations. For all ages there are free mindfulness programs available through The Smiling Mind website http://smilingmind.com.au/.

Happy to have any questions about these to tim.conroystocker@esfcentre.edu.hk

The Spaghetti Test: Year 6 students at Clearwater bay school learn some ways to refocus and increase their performance!

So this is the second week of the 'Mindfulness Matters' program at Clearwater Bay school. All four year 6 classes are having once a week lessons, learning about focused attention and awareness techniques. The course forms part of the provision supporting student wellbeing, and will give the students useful tools to ensure a positive and successful transition to their next school.

Today's focus was to help students to pay mindful attention to signals from their body, and to share a technique for relaxing their body to increase focus.

We first did a short meditation looking at how breathing deeply or breathing shallowly affected how you are feeling. We followed this with a discussion of how your body shows different emotional states: Happiness, anger, sadness and worry. 

I asked the question 'What do you notice in your body when you are worried?'and got a lot of responses about things the students were worried about. Many were worried about the Mandarin test they had that day and said that this was on their mind. Many more talked about what it was like when they worried:

• 'Worry makes everything seem bad and a lot worse than it is.'
• 'If you're worried you get upset. Sometimes I need to tell someone. It feels better when I tell someone.'
• 'When I'm worried I think a lot of 'what if's'.'
• 'I Can't think properly.'
• 'I get hot sweats.'
• 'I Try to concentrate but I get too anxious.'
• 'It Stops me sleeping.'

A follow up question to all 4 groups indicated that a significant minority sometimes found it difficult to get to sleep at night. 

There was a big consensus that when they were happy they had loads of energy and liked to do lots of things! There was also a discussion about doing things for others, and whether that made you happy, or whether you were more likely to do it if you felt happy?

As a way of preparing their body for a difficult/important/scary task, to help with worry, or to help them get to sleep I introduced the group to the spaghetti test. The students lay down and tensed and relaxed face, arm, stomach and leg muscles in turn, and paired this with belly breathing to achieve a relaxed and calm state.

The students were fabulous at this! and about half said they might try it to try and help get to sleep at night. With a couple of the groups we talked about just doing this with your arms and using breathing to calm yourself down in an situation were they were wound up or angry.

Next week we will explore how expectations can affect your experience and how to make the senses sharper!

Just sitting,and Dancing,and wishing, and the secret of happiness!: Mindfulness matters week 8, the Final sessions!

So my journey at Kowloon juniors comes to a close for the moment. The kids have been fantastic, and I believe they have learned a lot. the children will continue to practice as Matt and Dom will  run the 10 minute exercises on a regular basis for the rest of the year. 

In year 2 we looked at the difference between moving energetically and moving in a slow and controlled way. The kids loved dancing to Dancing Queen. I ask 'So how did that make you feel?' 'Like I could dance all day' answers one little girl.

The children then practiced slow and quiet walking as if they had a small butterfly on their head. The calm nature of this activity led on to a wishing meditation were the children thought of a wish for themselves, a wish for others and a wish for all the children in the world. One child wished for ice cream every day, another with a heartfelt look in his eyes wished that he could have a good day. Some wished for friendship for others, one wished for a 3d x box for all the poor children in the world, and one wished for everyone in the class to have good days, every day...

They liked the snowglobe and understood how their busy heads and worries were like the snow and could be cleared through mindful breathing.

 At the start of the process i was skeptical as to whether year 2s could benefit from mindfulness, or would be able to engage with it. I was very wrong, and I will miss working with this group very much!

Year 6s focused on the secret of happiness. Just a small thing to learn about! I think they got the idea that having things wouldn't necessarily make them happier, and that the secret of happiness revolved around being aware of when you were happy and noticing how often this happened.

I asked them What they liked the best from the mindfulness matters course?, What they had found difficult? and What they had learned?. Their responses knocked me off my feet:

'I sleep better now, because mindfulness helps me get to sleep'
'I can focus on things one thing at a time now'
'It really helps me calm down'
'I like the spaghetti test best'
'I feel a lot happier at school and home now'

and many more like that...All that from just focusing attention in a warm and non judgmental way on your breathing...amazing!

Looking forward to starting it all again at Clearwater Bay school, April 28th!

Safe places, invisible balloons and parents get in on the act!: Mindfulness Matters Week 7

In Year 6 the students created safe places in their mind that they could go to in times of stress or anxiety. The trick was to try and create this place without other more negative images crashing it in to make it less safe!

The nature of what is kind and unkind is important as there is a great deal of evidence suggesting that kindness and gratitude are linked to positive wellbeing and resilience.
So we asked: what did it mean to be kind? and how were people unkind? and how are you unkind to yourself?

That final question seemed the easiest for students to answer. They were very aware of when they were hard on themselves and what words they said to themselves about it:

'Im so stupid!' " why did you do that, thats dumb!' etc.

Their task for this week is to keep a card with kind and unkind written on it in their pockets. Every time they do/say something kind or unkind they have to take the card out of their pocket and put it back in the other one. Should be interesting! Lets see what happens next week?

Year 2 did some mindful movement; lifting an invisible gigantic balloon  and sending it in the air, then raising their arms like a 'proud peacock'. Both myself and Mr Parry their teacher felt proud of them because they did it so well! They also did well sitting and doing nothing, just focusing on their breathing. For some a really boring task, for others wonderful to have permission for a small slot of time where nothing was expected of them. Again the kids were fantastic at it!

For the Year 2's safe place we asked them to imagine a friendly and brave animal that would guard them when they were scared. Jaguars, dinosaurs, dogs and birds all made an appearance, and maybe the children now have something to help them if they are afraid of the dark?

Thanks to all the parents who came to the parent session. They tried the activities, and found out about the course. It was great to hear how one child's attentional skills at home seem to have really improved, and how other children seem to really value the sessions. 

Their only challenge: When will this be done in the whole school? because all the children need it. 

I couldn't agree more, why shouldn't they all have it? It has to be my mission to make it happen. But I do know I will have lots of allies campaigning with me!

Final instalment next week!